PROFESSIONAL GAMBLER….
During the Great Depression, there was this man who walked into
a bar one day. He walked up to the bartender and said, “Bartender,
I’d like to buy the house a round of drinks”. The bartender said,
“That’s fine, but we’re in the middle of the Depression, so I’ll
need to see some money first”. The guy pulls out a huge wad of
bills and sets them on the bar. Well, the bartender can’t beleive
what he’s seeing. “Where did you get all that money?”, asked the
bartender. “I’m a professional gambler”, replied the man. The
bartender said, “There’s no such thing! I mean, your odds are
50-50 at best, right?”. “Well, I only bet on sure things” said
the guy. “Like what?” asked the bartender.
“Well, for example, I’ll bet you $50 that I can bite my right
eye.” The bartender thought about it. “OK”. So, the guy pulls out
his false right eye and bites it. “Aw, you screwed me”, said the
bartender, and paid the guy his $50. “I’ll give you another chance.
I’ll bet you another $50 that I can bite my LEFT eye” said the
stranger. The bartender thought again and said, “Well, I know
you’re not blind, I mean I watched you walk in here. I’ll take
that bet”. So, the guy pulls out his false teeth and bites his
left eye. “Aw, you screwed me again”. “That’s how I win so much
money, bartender. I’ll just take a bottle of your best scotch in
leiu of the $50″, said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part
of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many
hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. The
guy, drunk as a skunk, said, “Bartender, I’ll give you one last
chance. I’ll bet you $500 that I can stand on this bar here on one
foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you
without spilling a drop”.
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn’t even
stand up straight on two feet, much less one. “OK, you’re on”. The
guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all
over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a
drop made it into the whiskey bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, “Hey
pal, you owe me $500!”. The guy climbed down off the bar and said,
“That’s OK. I just bet each of the guys in the card room $1000 each
that I could piss all over you AND the bar and still make you laugh!”.
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