What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
They drowned during spring training.
~*~

What’s the difference between a blond and a washing machine?
You can drop your load in a washer and it won’t follow you
around you for a week.
~*~

Why do corporate honchos like to slap their assistants on
the back?
Before they stab them in the back, they like to tenderize
the meat.
~*~

If you could fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months,
enough gas would be produced to create the energy of an
atomic bomb.
~*~

Why is a condom like a Kodak print?
They both capture that special moment.
~*~

When I die, I want to die peacefully, in my sleep. Like my
grandfather. Not screaming in terror, like the passengers In his car.
~*~

WANTED: charcoal salesman. Must be a self-starter.”
~*~

What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.
~*~

If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed…
Oh wait! He does!
~*~

What do you call female Viagra?
Jewelry
~*~

How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
~*~

What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
After 10 years the job still sucks.
~*~

Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where the tits went.
~*~

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
~*~

Why did the woman cross the road?
What’s that bitch doing out of the kitchen in the first place.
~*~

If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
The swallow
~*~

Why did God create women?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
~*~

British Sex Pervert
Did you hear about the British sex pervert who broke into a
gift shop and performed lewd acts with the porcelain figures?
They charged him with statue Tory rape. Apparently, he is a
Hummel sexual.
~*~

The NFL announced today in a press conference that one team
from the league needed to be eliminated.
What officials have decided to do is combine the Green Bay
Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team
therefore saving jobs.
They will be known as the TAMPACKS… They’re only good for
one period and have no second string.
~*~

A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said,
“I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.”
“Me either doc.” said the husband. “But she’s a great cook
and really good with the kids.”
~*~

A blonde was taking the tour of a national park not long ago.
The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils
had been found in the area.

The blonde exclaimed, “Wow. I can’t believe the dinosaurs
would come this close to the highway!”
~*~

What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle?
A dope ring.
~*~

How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and
half the time they don’t work.
~*~

Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
~*~

How does a man show he’s planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
~*~

What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys watching a football game.
~*~

Why do men have a hole in their penis?
So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.
~*~

I have learned that if you upset your wife she nags you…
If you upset her even more you get the silent treatmeant.
Don’t you think it’s worth the extra effort?
~*~

If it was true that we are here to help others, then what
exactly are the others here for?
~*~

Click ‘n Drag….a transvestite approaching in high heels.
~*~

Q: What is the meaning of a 3 1/2 floppy?
A: An excellent reason to end a relationship.
~*~

Q: Why do hunters make the best men for the job?
A: Because they always go deep in the bush, shoot twice and
eat what they shoot.
~*~

Q: A blonde a brunette and a redhead, all in the 3rd grade
who has the biggest tits?
A: The blonde, she’s 18.
~*~

What’s the difference between the pope and the president??
You only have to get on one knee for the pope.
~*~

Why does Bill Clinton wear boxer shorts?
To keep his ankles warm.
~*~

I hear Clinton is going to get off of the obstruction of
justice charges. Turns out he didn’t ask her to lie on her
deposition. He only asked her to lie in a different position.
~*~

A recent poll asked women around the country if they would
sleep with President Clinton. 70% said never again.
~*~

Q. How does a teenage schoolboy propose marriage?
A. YOUR HAVING A WHAT!
~*~

Q. Whats the definition of eternity?
A. From the time you cum, till the time she goes home.
~*~

Q: What did Bill Gates’ wife say to him on their wedding night?
A: “Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!”
~*~

Q: How can you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal
thermometer?
A: By the taste
~*~

Q. What do you call 2 skunks doing a 69?
A. Odor Eaters…
~*~

Q. What’s the difference between a BONUS and a PENIS?
A. Your wife will blow your bonus.
~*~

Q. Why do bald guys have holes in their pockets?
A. So they can run their fingers through their hair!
~*~

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to “instruction manuals Hair Spray
~*~

Q: What is the difference between men and women:
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need…
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
~*~

Q: Why do men whistle when they’re sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
~*~

Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A: They either cling, run or don’t fit right in the crotch!
~*~

Q: What’s the best way to kill a man?
A: Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then
tell him to pick only one.
~*~

Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.
~*~

Chads

Not too far into the past, our “esteemed” leader, Monica’s
boyfriend, insisted that “if there was no penetration, there
was no sex”
It seems like it should therefore follow: If the ballot is
not penetrated, there is no vote.
~*~