1. So your daughter`s a hooker,
and it spoiled your day…
Look at the bright side,
she`s a really good lay.

2. My tire was thumping…
I thought it was flat…
when I looked at the tire…
I noticed your cat…Sorry!

3. You had your bladder removed
and you`re on the mends…
here`s a bouquet of flowers
and a box of Depends.

4. You`ve announced that you`re gay,
won`t that be a laugh,
when they find out you`re one
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff!

5. Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
`Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy.

6. Heard your wife left you…
How upset you must be…
But don`t fret about it…
She moved in with me.

7. Your computer is dead…
it was once so alive.
Don`t you regret installing
Windows 95?

8. You totaled your car…
and can`t remember why…
could it have been…
the case of Bud Dry?

9. Saw something today
that reminded me of you.
As a matter of fact it was
the shit on my shoe!