RELIGIOUS QUICKIES….
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin’ Catholic!
Doctor: “Your recovery was a miracle!”
Patient: “PRAISE GOD. Now I don’t have to pay you!”
Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic schizophrenic?
He was in two minds as to whether there’s a dog.
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac?
He lay awake at night wondering if there really were a “dog”!
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac, amnesiac?
He forgot thet he formerly lay awake at night wondering if there
really was a “dog”!
Did you hear about the group of dyslexic devil worshippers in the
Ozarks?
They sold their souls to Santa!
What do you call a charismatic at an auction?
Broke.
During the time the church was being persecuted in Rome, a christian
was thrown to the lions. As he waited to be eaten, he knelt down and
prayed. Looking up, he was suprised to see the lion also kneeling in
prayer. Seeing the look of bewilderment on the christian’s face, the
lion said to him “I don’t know what you’re doing, but I’m saying
grace”
A minister was asked by a politician, “Name something the government
can do to help the church”, the minister replied, “Quit making one
dollar bills.”
An English sage goes to God, and says “Lord we need to learn the
meaning of patience, the meaning of eternity, how to sit for hours
and not feel guilty.”
And God says “Certainly my son, here you are, the rules for cricket”.
What did Jonah do while he was in the whale?
Sing, you always sing when you’re in Wales!
Why didn’t Noah go fishing?
He only had two worms!
Why do they say “Amen” at the end of a prayer instead of “Awomen”?
The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers!
Preacher: Little boy, do you pray to God?
Boy: no sir, I pray to Art.
Preacher: Art who?
Boy: Art who is our Father in heaven
At the end of a wonderful service the Pastor stood outside to say
goodbye to his congregation. As he approached Mrs McKenzie he
remarked; “I am sorry Mrs McKenzie but I noticed that little Jimmy
was crying throughout the service. Is he alright?”. “Sure” said
Mrs McKenzie, “He’s just teething”. “I see” said the Pastor, “and
what about your husband? I noticed he was also crying throughout
the service”. “He’s fine” said Mrs McKenzie, “He’s just tithing.”
A Christian man had just died and was on his way to heaven. When he
got to the gates of heaven he met an angel. The angel asked him what
God’s name was. “Oh that’s easy,” the man replied, “His name is
Andy.”
“What make you think his name is Andy?” the angel asked incredulously.
“Well, you see at Church we used to sing this song “Andy walks with
me, Andy talks with me.”
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