1. Bring in a 7 layer-cake when they are on a strict diet, then eat a
piece in front of them, slowly.
2. Have an affair with their best friend . . . and make sure they
know about it.
3. Put them in a dozen porn-product mailing lists.
4. Remove one button from every item of clothing they own.
5. Call their employer and pretend to be from a collection agency.
6. Order them subscriptions to Gay Magazines and have them delivered
to their place of employment.
7. Buy them a copy of Human Sexual Inadequacy by Masters and Johnson.
8. Empty the shampoo bottle and fill it with vegetable oil.
9. Give them a pregnant cat as a farewell gift.
10. Call and have their Telephone and Electricty disconnected.
11. Send them presents Cash on Delivery.
12. Have a male friend call at their office to leave a message to
contact Sergeant Vasquz of the 12th Precienct vice squad immediatly.
13. Send their Mother a package of Whips and Handcuffs along with a
note that your returning items they left behind.
14. Snip a few threads in any of their favorite sweaters so they will
unravel.
15. Pull the plug on their Frige.
16. Join 10 or more Book or Record clubs on their behalf
17. Casually remark that you’ve just been diagnosed as having a new,
rare strain of VD.
18. (This is the worst) Marry them.