* Love means never having to say, “Does that twenty include
the spanking?”

* To truly love another, you must first love yourself. And
it wouldn’t kill you to wash your hands in between either.

* When it becomes a crime to love, you should probably
consider dating outside the family.

* They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and
precious to the recipient. But giving the finger is free,
too, and I find it more personal and sincere.

* We cannot see the future. We cannot change the past. We
can only live in the now with an eye towards gaining
enough power in the future to wreck revenge on everyone
who ever screwed us in the past.

* If Life hands you lemons today, smile and give thanks.
Then when Life isn’t looking, give him a quick knee to
the groin. That’ll learn him.

* Dreaming frees the soul, energizes the spirit and allows
you to do things that would get your ass thrown in jail
if you really tried them