SHORT JOKES….
What’s the difference between a donut and a hooker?
If you buy a donut you can’t eat the fucking hole.
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, “I don’t
like the looks of your wife at all.”
“Me either doc.” said the husband. “But she’s a great cook and really
good with the kids.”
Have you heard about the new supersensitive condoms?
They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
Why can’t gypsies have children?
Because their husbands have crystal balls.
A father often read Bible stories to his young children, One
day he read, “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife
and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was
turned to salt.”
His son asked, “What happened to the flea?”
Why don’t ducks wear underwear?
Because their peckers are on their face!
During a friendly argument, my husband asked me why I married
him in the first place. “I was just stupid,” I teased. When he said
he was happy to hear that, I requested an explanation.
“People get divorced all the time because they fall out of love,” he
said. “But I’ve never heard of anybody falling out of stupid.”
Matters had progressed to the point where the freshman and
his date were naked in the motel bed when the girl had a
change of heart.
“I suppose you’re going to tell me now that you’re waiting for
‘Mr. Right’,” he said dejectedly.
“That’s a silly old romantic notion,” laughed the coed. “I’m
just waiting for Mr. Big.”
Why didnt NASA send a woman to the moon yet?
Because it does not need to be cleaned!
“May I take your order?” the waiter asked.
“Yes. I’m just wondering, how do you prepare your chickens?”
“Nothing special sir,” he replied. “We just tell them
straight out that they’re going to die.”
An exhausted hunter out in the wilds stumbled into a camp.
“Am I glad to see you,” he said, “I’ve been lost for three
days.”
“Don’t get too excited, friend,” the other hunter replied.
“I’ve been lost for three weeks.”
Want to know why lesbians are so lazy?
Because they don’t do dick and, they always eat out.
Two Prostitutes are walking down the street.
One says to the other:”Hey have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?”
the other one says ” No, but I’ve been twirled around by the tits!”
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple?
Because it tasted better than Adam’s banana.
What do you call a blonde with pig tails?
A blow job with handle bars.
A gang of thieves broke into a lawyer’s club by mistake.
The old legal begals gave them a fight for their life and
their money. The gang was very happy to escape.
Outside…
“It ain’t so bad, Louie” one crook noted.
“We got $25 between us.”
The boss screamed, “I warned you to stay clear of lawyers!
We had $100 when we broke in dat joint!”
A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked up
to have a talk with him. “I’ve figured out your problem,” he told the
young southpaw. “You always lose control at the same point in every
game.”
“When is that?”
“Right after the National Anthem.”
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys
were a toaster and a radio.
–Joan Rivers
How many rednecks does it take to eat a ‘possum?
Two. One to eat, and one to watch out for traffic.
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