SHORT JOKES….
What do you call the sweat produced when two rednecks are having sex?
Relative humidity.
Did you hear about the Asian couple that had a African American baby?
They named it Sum Ting Wong.
Kids? It’s like living with homeless people. They’re cute but
they just chase you around all day long going, “Can I have a
dollar? I’m missing a shoe! I need a ride!”
– Kathleen Madigan
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have
to hear about all the men she could have married, and
she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married,
she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten
instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, “They
wouldn’t take me out while I was alive, I don’t want them
to take me out when I’m dead.”
A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would
you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He said,
“Call for backup.”
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and
Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child
replied: “They couldn’t get a baby-sitter.”
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created
everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed
especially intent when they told him how Eve was created
out of one of Adam’s ribs. Later in the week his mother
noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said,
Johnny what is the matter? Little Johnny responded, “I have
a pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”
A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and
asked his mother, “Who am I?” Ready to play the game
she said, “I don’t know! Who are you?” “WOW!” cried the
child. “Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my
own mother wouldn’t recognize me!”
A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the
first day of school: “If you promise not to believe everything
your child says happens at school, I’ll promise not to believe
everything he says happens at home
The teacher wrote “Like I ain’t had no fun in months” on the board
and then she said, “Timmy, how should I correct that?”
Timmy replied, “Maybe get a new boyfriend?”
What happens when you get scared half-to-death twice
What do you call a 400 pound woman who likes both men and women?
A bisexual built for 2.
Two antennas met and fell in love.
They decided to get married.
The wedding was a disaster but the reception was great.
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