SHORT JOKES….
What do you call a pregnancy that begins while using birth control?
A misconception.
Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite.
Have you ever seen a man get on a bus ahead of one?
Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I’ll show you a man
who can’t put on his pants.
What has 12 teeth and 150 eyes?
The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.
How do we know that fairy tales are fiction?
Because the prince is always smart, handsome, single, and straight.
Ponder this: If a man is walking in the forest, and there is
no woman present to hear him speak, is he still wrong?
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was
a fool when I married you.”
The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t
notice it.”
Why are turds tapered at the end?
So your asshole doesn’t slam shut!
Did you hear about the Washington survey? They asked a
thousand women if they would sleep with the President.
95% replied, “Not again.”
Yo’ mama is so fat when she walks across the room the radio skips.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will
never be able to support you.
Patient: It’s been one month since my last visit and I still
feel miserable.
Doctor: Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I
gave you?
Patient: I sure did. The bottle said, “keep tightly closed.”
The Lawyer’s Creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.
Why is PMS named PMS?
Because Mad Cow Disease was aleady taken.
Confucius Say
“Schoolboy who mess around with school girl during wrong period get
caught red-handed.”
How can you tell if your date really digs oral sex?
She hikes up her skirt every time you yawn.
How many nuns does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Nun
Why are Jewish men circumcised?
Because Jewish women won’t touch anything unless it is 20% off.
Did you hear about the new 3 million dollar West Virginia
State Lottery?
The winner gets 3 dollars a year for a million years.
An opening line:
Boy to girl: I’ll bet your mom is a good
baker.
Reply: What makes you think so?
Boy to girl: Cause you’ve got some nice buns.
The BIG difference between Hobos & Homos is that Hobos have no
friends; and Homos have friends coming out their ass!!!
What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.
Have you heard about the new Barbie doll? It’s called Divorce
Barbie. It comes with all of Ken’s stuff.
How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank?
You call them up and tell them you can’t cum!
I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don’t like to
interrupt her.
A little boy went up to his father and asked:
“Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?”
The father replied: “Well, son, you must have gotten it from
your mother, ’cause I still have mine.”
What is the definition of nothing?
When a man with an erection walks into a brick wall and
injures…his nose.
Vegetarian — Native American word for “Lousy Hunter”
Taxpayer – that’s someone who works for the federal government
but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.”
— Ronald Reagan
“More is accomplished in one day of prayer than a year of negotiation.”
— Father Don Stefano Gobbi, a Priest who founded the Marian Movement
of Priests following an inspiration while praying at the Chapel of the
Apparitions in Fatima.
Why did the skeleton burp?
Because it didn’t have the guts to fart.
What do you have if there are 100 rabbits standing in a row
and 99 take a step back?
A receding hare line.
Why do surgeons wear facemasks?
So if they make a mistake, no one will know who did it!
How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done
for free.
Drink ’till she’s cute, but stop before the wedding.
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