What was Princess Di’s favourite cocktail?
A wallbanger followed by a couple of chasers.

Why was Lady Di’s death a tragedy?
Because the rest of the Royal Family wasn’t in the back
of the car with her.

What did Princess Di reply when the desk clerk at the Ritz asked
if she wanted a room for the night?
“No, I’m gonna crash with my boyfriend.”

What’s the difference between Diana and Tiger Woods?
Tiger has a good driver.

If Diana’s heart was in the right place, why was it found in the
glove compartment?

Yesterday a ferryboat leaving Haiti capsized and drowned 300
people. But a tragedy was avoided when they discovered no
princesses were on board.

Did you hear about the new fairy tale for kids that’s replacing
the Cinderella and carraige story?
It’s about Diana…..at midnight, she turns into an abutment.

It’s just another example of Franco/German anti-British
collaboration that has been going on since 1914…. Surely it’s
no coincedence that the world’s best-loved Englishwoman was
killed by a drunken Frenchman driving a German tank.

What did the Queen say when she heard Princess Diana died in a
car wreck?
Was Fergie with her?

What kind of dress was Di wearing?
Crushed Velvet.

Prince Charles was out early the other day walking the dog. When
a passer-by said “Morning”, Charles said, “No, just walking the
dog.”

What’s the Queen giving Fergie for Christmas?
A trip to Paris, dinner at the Ritz, and a chauffeur-driven
Mercedes.

What did Princess Di say to Dodi after he gave her the Ring?
Aren’t we moving a bit too fast?

Why did Elton John sing at the funeral?
Because he’s the only queen who cares.

What is the difference between leeches and the paparazzi?
Leeches fall off after you die.

What did the French mortuary attendant say when he got the body
bags?
Zip-a-dee Dodi, Zip-a-dee Di.

Why did Di die?
Because Mercedes bends

Did you hear that Princess Di was on the radio a couple of weeks
ago?
Yep, and on the dashboard, and on the window, and on the hood….

Why did the tunnel in Paris get so red?
Because they got Di all over it.

How did they know that the driver had dandruff?
They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.

What’s the difference between a Mercedes and a Porche?
Diana wouldn’t be seen dead in a Porche!

Dodi said to his driver when in England…
Do you want to come to Paris with me and “Di”?

What does a mercedes and a squid have in common?
You have to cut them both open to get the “Di” out.

What do you give the princess who has everything?
A seatbelt and an airbag.

What’s the difference between the London Ritz and the Paris
Ritz?
You get mints after dinner at the London Ritz and minced
after dinner at the Paris Ritz.

How many paparazzi does it take to kill Di?
50. One to drive infront of Di and 49 to take pictures.

What’s the difference between Mother Theresa and Diana?
5 days.

Did you see the wall Di drove into?
Neither did she.

Did you hear they are going to make a movie about her?
It’s going to be called “Di hard” or “Live and Let Di”

Why did Elton John sing at Diana’s funeral?
The Crash Test Dummies couldn’t make it!

What would Di be doing if she were alive today?
Scratching at the lid of her coffin.

What do Lady Di and Pink Floyd have in common??
Their last greatest hit was the WALL.

What does Diana and George Burns have in common?
They both died when they hit 100.

What was Princess Diana’s last words to the paparazzi?
“Leave me alone, I’m a bloody princess. You photographers drive
me up the wall.”

What did Princess Diana die of?
Car-pole-tunnel syndrome.

Did you hear about the new Pink Floyd album?
“Another Brit in the Wall”

When Prince Charles was told of Diana’s death he was all ears.

Now there is a new pizza place, the “Paparazzi Pizza” delivery.
You don’t have to give them your address, they’ll find you no
matter where you are.

What’s the difference between Lady Di and the East Germans?
The East Germans survived the wall.

What’s the bumper sticker on Fergie’s car?
I brake for Paparazzi.

What happens when you french kiss a fairy tale Princess?
The frog turns into a wall and croaks.

Mike Tyson has agreed to fight Prince Charles for his next
boxing match.
It seems that no one else has big enough ears to go 12
rounds.

Why did the Princess cross the road?
Because she wasn’t wearing a seatbelt.

What do Di and Freddie Mercury have in common?
Both had to die to get away from Queen.