1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock
bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. This student has delusions of adequacy.

4. This student is depriving a village somewhere of a
an idiot.

5. This student sets low standards and then
consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a “full six-pack” but lacks the
plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. Student has been working with glue too much.

8. When the student’s IQ reaches 50, he/she should
sell.

9. Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train
isn’t coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he’d have
to be watered twice a week.

11. It’s hard to believe the sperm that created this
student beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.

13. Your child is not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

14. If your child had two brain cells, they’d kill each
other.