TEN THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF – GEORGE CARLIN…
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.
I know where my watch is, buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I
point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
2. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has
no dick.
3. People who are willing to get off their asses to search the
entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the
TV and change the channel manually.
4. When people say, “Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat
it too.” Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake if you can’t eat it?
5. When people say, “It’s always in the last place you look.”
Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you’ve
found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
6. When people say, while watching a movie, “Did you see that?”
No dicknose, I paid $7.50 to come to the theater and stare at
friggen ceiling up there.
7. The radio ad: “Hi, I’m Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band.
Don’t drink and drive. I don’t.” Well, I hope you don’t drive sober
either, Mr. Healey. You’re blind, for God’s sake!
8. People who ask “Can I ask you a question?” Didn’t really give me
a choice, did ya there, buddy?
9. When something is “new and improved,” which is it? If it’s new,
then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement,
then there must have been something before it.
10. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you
were going? You should know, asshole, you fucking pulled me over!
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