THE BEAN LOVER….
Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a
maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them,
but unfortunately they had always had a very
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on her.
Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When
it became apparent that they would marry, she thought
to herself “He is such a sweet and gentle man, he
would never go for this kind of carrying on” so, she
made a supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later her car broke down on the way home
from work. Since she lived in the country she called
her husband and told him she would be late because
she would walk home. On her way she passed a small
diner and the odor of baked beans was more than she
could stand. Since she still had several miles to
walk she figured that she would walk off any ill
effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped
at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed
three large orders of baked beans. All the way home,
she putt-putted. Upon arriving she felt reasonably
sure she could control her gas. Her husband seemed
somewhat agitated and excited to see her and exclaimed
delightedly, “Darling, I have a surprise for dinner
tonight.” He then blindfolded her and led her to her
chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he
was about to remove the blindfold from his wife the
telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the
blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer
the phone.
The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting
her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable,
so while her husband was out of the room she seized
the opportunity shifted her weight to one leg and let
it go, it was not only loud, but it smelled like a
fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a
pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned vigorously
the air around her. She then shifted to the other cheek
and ripped three more, which reminded her of cabbage cooking.
Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other
room, she went on like this for another ten minutes when
the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she
fanned the air a few more times with her napkin. Placed
it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling
contentedly to herself. She was the picture of innocence
when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long,
he asked her if she peeked, which she assured him that she
had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she
was surprised!!! There were twelve dinner guests seated
around the table to wish her a Happy Birthday!!!
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