1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number
of helicopters in it.

2. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
suggests you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual
baby emerging from her at that moment.

3. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that,
deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

4. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

5. People who want to share their religious views with you almost
never want you to share yours with them.

6. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race
has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that
word would be “meetings.”

7. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to
annoy people who are not in them.

8. You should not confuse your career with your life.

9. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter/janitor, is
not a nice person.

10. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one
individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take
command. Very often, that individual is crazy.