THINGS TO THINK ABOUT….
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot,
but anyone going faster is a maniac?
I’m not into working out. My philosophy is: no pain, no pain.
I’m in shape. Round is a shape.
I’m desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots
wore helmets.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your
groin unprotected.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my
suede jacket and said, “Don’t you know a cow was
murdered for that jacket?” I said “I didn’t know there
were any witnesses. Now I’ll have to kill you too.”
Ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets
mad at you, but when you take him in a car he
sticks his head out the window?
I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have
been more specific.
You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking
five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and
we have no idea where she is.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out,
I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long
somebody stands there picking the locks, they are
always locking three of them.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains.
I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it,
maybe your laundry isn’t your biggest problem.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and
they tell you it’s because they’re such beautiful animals.
I think my children are beautiful, but I only have photos
of them on the wall.
Similar Funny Jokes:
- REFLECTIONS BY GEORGE CARLIN…. 1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. 2. I’m not into working out. My ...
- HAPPY HALLOWEEN!…. A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a … . . . . . . ...
- Yankee Fans Two Yankees fans are on a train up to Boston to watch their team play the Red Sox. They start ...
- Closing down Denny’s Denny’s resturants are also open 24 hours a day. When they decided to close last Christmas (first time ever), they ...
- Paint Job There was a married blonde who was very conscious about her stupidity to her husband, so she decides to make ...