10. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.

9. Directions to your doctor’s office include, “Take a left when you
enter the trailer park.”

8. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.

7. Only proctologist in the plan is “Gus” from Roto-Rooter.

6. Only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is “an apple a
day.”

5. Your “primary care physician” is wearing the pants you gave to
Goodwill last month.

4. “Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges” is not a
typo.

3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

2. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn’t come in different colors
with little m’s on them.

1. When you ask for Viagra, you get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.