Y’ALLBONICS….
The Association of Southern Schools has decided to pursue some of
the seemingly endless taxpayer dollar pipeline through Washington
designating Southern slang, or y’allbonics, as a language to be taught
in all Southern schools. The following are excerpts from the Official
Y’allbonics/English dictionary.
HEIDI – (noun) -Greeting.
HIRE YEW – Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage “Heidi, Hire yew?”
BARD – (verb) – Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.”
Usage “My brother bard my pickup truck.”
JAWJUH – (noun) – The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
Usage “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck.”
BAMMER – (noun) – The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is
Berminhayum.
Usage “A tornader jes went through Bammer an’ left $20,000,000
in improvements.”
MUNTS – (noun) – A calendar division.
Usage “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup
truck, and I ain’t herd from him in munts.”
THANK – (verb) – Cognitive process.
Usage “Ah thank ah’ll have a bare.”
BARE – (noun) – An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and
yeast. Usage “Ah thank ah’ll have a bare.”
IGNERT – (adjective) – Not smart. See “Arkansas native.”
Usage “Them bammer boys sure are ignert!”
RANCH – (noun) – A tool used for tight’nin’ bolts.
Usage “I thank I left my ranch in the back of
that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago.”
ALL – (noun) – A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage “I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts
all in my pickup truck.”
FAR – (noun) – A conflagration.
Usage “If my brother from Jawjuh don’t change
the all in my pickup truck, that thing’s gonna catch far.”
TAR – (noun) – A rubber wheel.
Usage “Gee, I hope that brother of mine from
Jawjuh don’t git a flat tar in my pickup truck.”
TIRE – (noun) – A tall monument.
Usage “Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, I
sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime.”
RETARD – (verb) – To stop working.
Usage “My grampaw retard at age 65.”
FAT – (noun), (verb) – a battle or combat; to
engage in battle or combat.
Usage “You younguns keep fat’n, n’ ah’m gonna whup y’uh.’
RATS – (noun) – Entitled power or privilege.
Usage “We Southerners are willin’ to fat for are rats.”
CHEER – (adverb) In this place.
Usage “Just set that bare rat cheer.”
FARN – (adjective) – Not domestic.
Usage “I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed… must be from some
farn country.”
DID – (adjective) – Not alive.
Usage “He’s did, Jim.”
ARE – (noun) – A colorless, odorless gas Oxygen.
Usage “He cain’t breathe…give ‘im some ARE!”
BOB WAR – (noun) – A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage “Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.”
JEW HERE – (noun) and (verb) contraction.
Usage “Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got
a job with that bob war fence cump’ny?”
HAZE – a contraction.
Usage “Is Bubba smart?” “Nah…haze ignert. He
ain’t thanked but a minnit’n ‘is laf.”
SEED – (verb) – past tense of “to see”.
Usage “I seed Bubba at the bob war fence cump’ny.”
VIEW – contraction (verb) and pronoun.
Usage “I ain’t never seed New York City…view?”
GUBMINT – (noun) – A bureaucratic institution.
Usage “Them gubmint boys shore is ignert.
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